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I had one drink, the barman was lookingat me suspiciously and I had been approached by fourmen before John finally turned up and asked me if Iwould like a drink. We role-played for thirty minutes,I expected John to ask me if I would like to go to anight club with him but he took me completely bysurprise by saying, “How much for full sex?” I was flabbergasted but before I could say anything thelandlord of the pub asked me to leave, John followed meoutside and grabbed my mackintosh by the lapel,“Fifteen quid and we’ll do it in the car park!” Then hedragged me off behind the pub, the car park didn’tbelong to the pub, it was one of the local council ‘payand display’ car parks. I noticed at least eight closedcircuit TV cameras that were constantly scanning thecar park, John dragged me into a dark corner, I wasalmost missing my footing I was being dragged along sofast. I was dressed in a lightweight summer mackintosh, witha vent at the rear. Any ideas how to go about this?’ ‘Rummage sale.’ ‘Carnival.’ ‘Bake sale.’ ‘Selling the children to White Slavers.’ Mary tapped her gavel and shot Harry Hazelton a dirty look. ‘Harry, you should be ashamed of yourself.’ ‘But I can provide at least a dozen meself.’ ‘I know you’re only half serious, and Mavis would kill you in your sleep if she knew you brought it up. Let’s have only reasonable ideas, please.’ ‘A raffle.’ ‘Texas Hold ‘Em Tournament.’ ‘Beauty pageant.’ ‘Slave Auction–for chores around the yard one afternoon and such.’ ‘All you can drink night.’ ‘Futures speculation.’ Mary tapped the gavel again. Bert Button and Fred Bayless were on the receiving end of her glare this time, they chuckled like schoolboys in defiance of her ire. Bert pointed over at Wilma Branson and shouted: ‘Hey Wilma, call your cousin Richard, he’ll take care of everything out of petty cash.’ Mary pointed the gavel at him, and he gave her a smirk. She turned to me. ‘Vicar, do you have any ideas?’ ‘There.
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